One layer of tape was insufficient!
A second layer of tape was applied, and was also insufficient!
The top was half opened because the first two layers of tape were insufficient!
Consequently, the smaller items had all fallen out!
And I used to like UPS.
Businessmen gather around a long, narrow table for their weekly board meeting. They are mostly dressed in solid black suits, with the occasional rebellious pinstripe. A secretary delivers coffee and one very expensive thirteen shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. This particular drink costs more than the secretary will make this evening. Once the excitement dissipates, a projector comes to life and the board director opens:
"Now, ladies and gentlemen, how could this have happened? Let us analyze some possible scenarios so that we may prevent such unfortunate mishaps in the future:"
- Scenario 1: While packaging the materials, the child was unable to reach the top of the box and was, as a result, unable to properly seal the top closed.
Solution for Scenario 1: Enforce child labor laws!!
A Slightly More Plausible Scenario 2: An adult worker is now in charge of packaging the materials and, being paid less than minimum wage, only concerns himself with packaging quality up to two separate taping attempts. Upon failure of his second taping attempt, his shoulders met his neck exhibiting the tell-tale slightly-less-than-concerned shrug and he sent the package on its merry way, destined to spill its contents across the continental United States from Wichita, Kansas to the Northeastern States.
Solution for Scenario 2: I think this one is quite obvious, but I'll say it anyway for the less intuitive readers. Provide better dental benefits to employees! Dirty mouth? Proper tooth care results in a happier, cleaner feeling mouth, which is reflected in all the bright smiles of each and every worker as they carefully and dutifully fill, seal, and ship hundreds of packages a day while looking forward to the end-of-shift whistle only to return home to a messy apartment a quarter the size it should be, a distraught wife sewing fabric to sell on eBay, and seven little bees buzzing up and down the walls leaving their dirty little footprints all over the furniture because someone reported a child labor law violation and now they're stuck at home all day.
Least Plausible of All Scenarios, Scenario 3: It was nobody's fault, the package just happened to come undone somewhere en route, and they'll very likely ship me replacement parts when I call them tomorrow morning.
Little Maddy tripped today.
"I'm okay," she said, "I'm okay!"
Drop of blood, apply band-aid.
Little Maddy fall, go boom.
Ambulance ride.
Like it or not, Pixels for Thought.
1 comment:
Dental care. Definitely. Every human to ever have taped anything uses their teeth to cut the tape. How can they do this if they don't have the proper dental care?!
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